THE EPIC, EMOTIONLESS CREATIVE FLOW. APRIL 4, 2019

Every artist is manic, right?
25 days of 30 I am unfocused, easily distracted, restless, dreamy, lazy, unorganized, hesitant and scared. I’m too worried, I am too longing, I am too silly, too randy, too sad and way too forgetful. The list goes on. It’s on the remaining five days I finally feel like my true self and where I get the shit done. And I have to admit that I’m almost stunned by my own capacity! In fact it’s fucking magical, my capability (and speed!) has mythological qualities! I feel as potent as God must have felt, when he, after billion years of procrastination (…or depression..?), finally created planets, people and planktons. It’s not at all unthinkable that God is profoundly manic, or was. Not to mention how deep his depression must have taken him after those six hyper-creative days. Where he is now? Engulfed by the magnificent magnitude of his own creativity. I don’t blame him.
Has God even a cycle?
Will he return as “The G.R.E.A.T Creator” some time soon?
No way he has a diagnose?!
Is he also self medicating with alcohol and Netflix-abuse?
Of course. But at least he had his six days of epic and emotionless creative flow.
That’s the trick, the holy secret of Just do it! – do not feel and you will not fear.
That’s right, I don’t feel during these precious moments, that’s why I get things done. Five glorious days of solving problems, paying bills, composing music, making them calls, taking decisions, making schedules and plans, working as if there’s no tomorrow, without panic and with no regrets. I look in the mirror and I see a very cool (and yes, a lil’ manic) version of myself. I pretend that this is my “normal” me.
Everything you find on this homepage, for example, was finished during these five days. Every fucking album, every single song. Not joking! But the point is, that all the ingredients I use, first was slowly cooked for at least 25 days and nights in a bouillon of confusion and nervousness. That’s nothing unique in that, also God put an awful amount of darkness, misery, doubt and fear into his soup, didn’t he? I guess that’s what made us all the miserable misfits we are.
The sun is up, I got to go, speak soon!

Sincerely, J