I’VE GOTTA GUT FEELIN’

When I still was in the middle of the making of TRAUMA, I was thinking – not just once –  but many many times:

– Who the hell wants to listen to this waaaay too upsetting album???
– Album? Does anyone really bothers about albums still?
– Am I old-fashioned? I wouldn’t mind. (Just a little.)
– Why on earth did I stage such an enormously complicated and difficult recording during my – by far – worst period of my life?
– Who the fuck do I think I am?!
– A full fuckin’ symphony orchestra?? Oh GOD, why? 
– Why. Am. I. Such. An… Idiot?
And,
– Why can’t I just behave? For once? Please..?

Yeah, why can’t I behave?
Perhaps because I never really learned to.

I am only rarely aware of what’s driving me forward in my projects. I have strong ideas and I know what I would like tell, and I’m aware of that I have to dig deep into the shit to do it (there are better things in life than this, trust me!), but for me it has unfortunately nothing to do with being “ambitious” or “goal oriented” (attributes I only dream of!). My intensions rises from a part of me that I can’t control. Well, I can control it, but its source is as mysterious as the mission of a sleepwalker: “Go on… go on… just go on, out on the super-thin ice, yeah, come on, no matter what, just go on, theeeere you go”…  Is it possible to work on an instinct? Or is that just a condescending way to explain an art process? “Instinct” doesn’t sound intelligent. But quite often I actually believe that I do work instinctively, that I’ve got a gut feelin’… That’s why I never accept invitations to workshops where I am asked to show and learn other music producers the way I work. I simply can’t explain it. I just remember fragments. And when the album is released etc, the memories of the process is as vague as a dream you’re just about to lose in the morning light.

Anyway. I would like to share a radio program I’ve been invited to recently. I do not talk about the creative process. I talk about… therapy and music! It’s in Swedish and CLICK HERE to listen to it.

Sincerely Yours,

J